I think I got the most actively porn car part I’ve ever seen

Image for article titled I Think I Found the Most Active Obscene Car Part I've Ever Seen

Photo: Jason Torchinsky

i just came back Lane Motor Museum in Nashville, where I was shooting the new season of Jason Drive, so if you want to get excited about it, I won’t stop you. One of the cars I really wanted for this season was the Velorex Oskar, a tiny Czech microcar built as if someone had stretched a leather gimp suit over a small jungle gym . Sadly, the little Velorex wasn’t really interested in running, so I didn’t get to drive it, but I did get to see it, at least the most obscene looking automotive detail I’ve seen since breakfast , what could that be?

want to see it? of course you do.

Okay, so to understand what’s going on, you need to know a bit about the Velorex’s steering mechanism. Here’s a little something to know:

Image for article titled I Think I Found the Most Active Obscene Car Part I've Ever Seen

Photo: beyond prague

There is a lateral rod that is (I think) part of the simple worm and roller steering setup which is actually a bit too long for the “body” of the Velorex, so there is a slight hole in the leatherette skin when steering is all the way to the side. Cranked in. It’s weird, sure, to see a little stick coming out of a tiny hole, but this is a Velorex, so weird is on-brand.

Now, Lane’s Velorex has this little detail of the steering rod, but for some reason—perhaps to improve the car’s weatherproofing to eliminate a point of potential water ingress—Lane’s Velorex has its steering rod thingy. which is enclosed in a small accordion black rubber tube. :

Image for article titled I Think I Found the Most Active Obscene Car Part I've Ever Seen

Photo: Jason Torchinsky

OK, I can understand the logic behind doing it this way, but I guess this optimization didn’t really infer, um, the speed of that little tube.

You see, it usually hangs in there, kinda floppy, but when the wheel is cranked and the rod enters that boot, well, the floppy little tube, um, hardens. and stops falling. Also grows a little taller.

OK, I’d say. It’s moving like a weird robotic penis that’s getting excited.

It’s troubling, seeing as this very penile appendage becomes sluggish and then loosens again when the car is driven around. It just seems organic—enough to feel weirdly obscene.

I should have taken a short video of it so you can see for yourself. Actually, you know what? Maybe it’s just like I didn’t. I don’t want this site to be blocked by parental controls or anything. Besides, I’m pretty sure everyone can picture exactly what it looks like.

The cars have been called phallic abundance, and the size and details of many cars have been compared to human forms at various times. But I really can’t think of any other car that has a little rubber dong that gets hard and soft when the car is driven?

I’m trying to determine if this modification is unique to Lane’s Velorex or if it was ever a factory thing. Most of the Velorex I’ve seen in pictures only have exposed rods:

Image for article titled I Think I Found the Most Active Obscene Car Part I've Ever Seen

Photo: auto 5p

If you own a Velorex, I’m going to say this is the way to do it. Just let that little stick slide in and out. It may be a little suggestive, but it’s not a floppy/firm rubber wang in there by the wheel.

Remember, Children Look at Velorex! children!

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